Progress?

Whenever I go into the doctor, I always carry a list of my symptoms with me, just to remind myself what to talk about. They are usually always the same. Over the past six months, though, I’ve seen symptoms disappear. The strange shaking that I wake up with in the morning. The stomach pain and digestive issues. The pain that runs down my arms. The stiffness in my legs. The memory problems. They slowly disappeared.

And… then they came back. Not all at the same time. The shaking came back a few weeks ago. I had a whole week of really bad nausea and stomach pain. My legs decided to be stiff and painful on certain random days. My thinking is fuzzy again. Just when I thought we were making progress.

One of my doctors asked me recently if I thought we’ve made any progress or if we are back at square one. I had to tell him that we are right back at the beginning. Thankfully, he hasn’t given up on me.

Although we haven’t made progress on the symptoms side, I think my attitude about all this is much different than it was six months ago. Yeah, there’s days that I stay in my room all day watching movies and not wanting to be a part of life because it’s just too hard. But now I’m willing to adapt my life to this new normal, to find ways to be a part of life with my limitations. And I think that itself is progress.

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