Ack! I see that I haven’t written anything on here since July! Life and illness got the better of me for a while, but after that I had the reoccurring thought, “What am I going to write on my blog? I haven’t written anything for so long. How embarrassing!” Guilt and procrastination are a powerful combination. Anyway, since July, I’ve faced a lot of health ups and downs, as well as a lot of encouragement and disappointment. It’s always hard to write in that ever-changing state. But trying to catch people up isn’t always easy either, since a lot happened over those months.
It makes me realize once again the tricky nature of chronic illness. Managing my illness, doctor appointments, treatment, and my own emotions over the whole ordeal can consume all my time. Even catching up with a friend on the phone seems impossible some days because I’m emotionally spent. And whenever I consider going out with friends, my first thought is, “I’m feeling fine now, but how will I be in an hour?” Keeping up with others, even good friends, is sometimes so frustratingly impossible. And then I feel like a terrible friend, like a terrible person, for just randomly disappearing. Many times people will ask me what I do all day. You know what? I don’t know. Sometimes it’s just trying to ride out the wave of exhaustion, crazy emotions, and weird symptoms. And when I don’t use all that time to call or write friends, I feel guilty. Then I have to catch up… again. I think this is something that others with chronic illness struggle with. What do you think?